3 Steps to Resolving Conflict in Your Life

Is there any day that passes without a crisis? Your life does not have to be chaos, crises or so turbulent. The key is learning new tools for resolving conflict in your life.

Your life today can feel out of control. Emotions such as anger and frustration can take anyone over in an instant. Unresolved emotions feed nearly all conflict. Stepping out of truth undermines resolution and fuels more conflict. Conflicts become crises when you ignore emotions and step out of your truth.

Life isn’t about avoiding or denying conflict. So, what’s the most powerful thing you can do? You can learn how to deal with conflict quickly, consciously, effectively and truthfully. You can learn intelligent responses to conflict, rather than reacting. You can decide to take actions that lead to peaceful solutions. You can feed your own power to resolve conflicts.

Building your powerful skills to resolve and avert crises takes three steps:

1) Becoming aware of your emotions
2) Seeking the truth
3) Creating peaceful solutions

unresolved emotions and confict

Becoming Aware of Your Emotions

You can gain the tools for naming and taming your emotions. All day long you experience feelings that create emotions. Your heart sends messages to your brain constantly, leading to physiological changes moment to moment directly tied to your emotions. Some emotions cause you to feel depleted or weak. Other emotions have the opposite affect, renewing or strengthening. If you are unable to identify the source and how to move out of depleting emotions, conflict is sure to follow.

list of depleting and renewing emotions

Choosing to leave a depleting emotion to get back to a neutral space immediately and sustainably moves you through and out of conflict. Even better, you can choose to move to an opposite renewing emotion and blast right out of conflict. Knowledge about your emotions is power.

Seeking the Truth

Being truthful allows repeated conflicts to end. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses with speaking your truth gives you immediate access to find more of the truth of any situation. Everything begins with understanding your part of a conflict, your part of a missing truth and your part of any resolution. Too often, we all begin looking to every one but ourselves to find cause, blame and judge. Looking at others merely masks the truth and moves us farther away from where we should be seeking answers. One thing is sure: if you are embroiled in any conflict, you had a part in making it happen.

Five elements of truth must be explored in order to start resolution. These five elements when clearly understood open your perception to the truth behind the words being spoken. When you find yourself in conflict, feel conflict or are reviewing past conflicts, solutions unimagined before emerge when you are honest about these questions:

  • Where do I live my truth the strongest?
  • Where am I the weakest in living truthfully?
  • How do I usually step out of my truth?
  • What are my most truthful qualities?
  • Do I know anyone that is a great example of living truthfully?

The more time you put into these five questions, the faster you become at checking for your truth about what any conflict is really about.

Create Peaceful Solutions

You can see patterns in the way you create conflict in your life. These patterns emerge from your mind. Your mind is an efficient engine for learning ways to get the things you want.

Your ego works hard to protect you from its perceived dangers. Obvious signs of conflict are when your fight, flight or freeze automatic mechanism is triggered. The emotions that cause a flood of biochemical reactions in your body are produced to give you the best chance of surviving an immediate threat. However, today you have little reason to react in this ancient unconscious programmed survival reaction mode to the kind of conflicts and issues present in your life.

Your behavior patterns go beyond ego and survival responses. These patterns also include unconscious beliefs and judgments that generate negative thinking. Let’s just say that “negative thinking” is the constant presence of thoughts that undermine or sabotage your success. Repeating experience-driven memories condition your thinking and responses to all situations you encounter daily. They can haunt you during restless sleep. But, these negative patterns don’t have to be your master. You can reprogram your mind to focus on new thoughts and experiences that are supportive and positive.

Patterns also exist in how you look to resolve conflicts. As you look at the conflicts you have dealt with, a picture emerges of your strategy for resolving conflict. Like an impressionistic painting, all the little blots and strokes of paint add up to a picture when you observe them from a little distance. You have to become aware of how you unconsciously manage conflict. A simple model you can use to determine your default strategy to resolving conflict is called the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument shown here:

thomas kilmann conflict mode instrument

Source: Thomas-Kilmann

Accommodating — cooperating to a high-degree often at own expense and against own goals, objectives and intentions. This approach can be effective when the other party is the expert, has a better solution, or for preserving relationships.

Avoiding — This is simply avoiding the issue. No one’s goals are being achieved. This strategy can work when the issue is not significant, too costly for everyone or when there is no chance of winning. It’s also effective when the atmosphere is emotionally charged and you need to take a pause.

Collaborating — This is where partnering is the approach to achieve both party’s goals. This is breaking through and out of a win-lose approach to conflict, instead working for the win-win. This is where new, previously impossible solutions appear.

Competing — This is the win-lose approach prevalent today. The winners in conflict assertively and aggressively work to achieve their own goals, commonly at the expense of the other party. This approach delivers quick, decisive action at the expense of relationships or even integrity.

Compromising — This is the all lose something scenario where no one achieves what they want. Everyone has goals and this appears to be an easy way to at least meet some amount of goals. However, it leaves no room to produce a better solution that meets longer-term needs for everyone.

Once you are aware of your default strategy in the pattern of conflicts you experience at work, home or in any part of life, then you can choose to take the third step in resolving conflict in your life: empowering peaceful solutions. Peaceful solutions have at their core both the awareness of everyone involved in a conflict and the intention to keep everyone in their power. When people are in their power, they are aligned with their purpose, integrity and intentions

A person who empowers peace is one who:

  • Maintains a good sense of humor
  • Maintains humbleness and humility
  • Maintains integrity
  • Quells the ego and stays in the heart
  • Is not attached to outcome
  • Is not afraid of feelings
  • Does not avoid conflict
  • Listens intensely
  • Speaks directly and tells the truth
  • Is non-judgmental

Empowering peace also includes an awareness for everyone involved by:

  • Modeling self-respect and respect for others
  • Having a sensitively toward the other person(s)
  • Having an inclusive attitude rather than excluding others
  • Allowing mistakes for self and others

You don’t have to be perfect at all or most of these attributes for empowering peaceful solutions. You simply have to become more aware of yourself, your default strategy and begin modeling these empowering attributes to begin seeing previously impossible solutions more easily emerge.

Enabling a New Paradigm for Resolving Conflict

The three steps that build a new paradigm for resolving conflict are simple and deliver immediate results without needing perfection or a regimented process to follow. These steps better help to resolve or avert unnecessary crises in your life. They have the impact of reducing stress, building your resilience and increasing harmony in a world full of conflict, chaos and uncertainty.

The choice is yours to spend a little time outside of conflicts to reduce the impact they have on your life.

We invite you to discover inspiring and effective ways to care for yourself and to serve others.  Now more than ever, caring is what we all need most. Caring for our self.  Caring for others around us.  Life now demands caring, resilience and compassion like never before.  So, become a Custodian of the Caring Movement and help create the world we need right now, the world we want for our future generations.

UCA resources available to help include the Turbulent Times Resources Center,  radio show, publications and online store offering members huge discounts and always free shipping.

The Trick is Treating Yourself

As Autumn descends and the leaves fall, our own physical and mental states begin to go through seasonal changes, too.  If you’re not careful, a true witch’s brew of toil and trouble await. So pay close attention to how shorter days, lowering temperatures, and rain impacts our mood.  The Fall can also contribute to a wide range of illnesses.  These include insomnia, irritability, headaches, and digestive issues.

All the more reason to make sure we are spending at least as much time on self-comfort, as we are on self-care.  That’s because adapting to Autumn can lead to fatigue of the body.  In fact, Autumn can affect our overall balance more than we imagine.

The Twilight Zone

As bewitching as an early twilight may seem, look again! Fewer daylight hours makes us more subject to mild states of anxiety and melancholy. In this spooky season of skeletons, the influence of the sun can also be seen on a physical level.  That’s because UV rays stimulate the production of vitamin D, which is useful to bones.  Sunlight also stimulates the production of serotonin, helps muscle relaxation and balances our biological rhythms. Less light darkens our mood.

That’s why, even when the days become shorter, it is important to treat yourself to more soothing time spent outdoors.  Try to work in a leisurely walk, hike, or bike ride during the week.  Think of it as a way of “stocking up” on light.  The sun’s bag of goodies allow the body to produce melanin during the night.  Melanin improves the quality of sleep and acts directly on your body’s hormonal balance.

“Weather” or Not

Changes in temperature and light also affect the immune system, almost playing tricks on it. Long before COVID, you probably remember in past Falls, how common it was to show symptoms of colds and flu, (“seasonal illnesses”).  The last thing we need is prolonged fatigue, with a side helping of apathy.  You can combat them both with equal measures of self-comfort and self-care. Think of them as aiding in the response that our body gives to outside stresses when the weather requires us to put in extra effort to adapt.

Choose warm bubble baths, pedicures, and massages over curling up on the couch with Halloween candy binging old TV shows.  All that sugar can throw your self-comfort into a tizzy.  As grandma used to say: Enjoy some candy, but don’t let it go to “waist!” If caring for yourself turns into distracting or numbing or avoiding, it’s time to pause. Always check in with yourself — what are you really craving in those moments?

Ask “whether” you really need it. And “whether” you need self-comfort or self-care in that moment.  When you need comfort — you’re craving warmth, pleasure, a break.  Pamper yourself by following your body’s yearning for “feeling good.”  When you need care — you’re craving self-respect, connection, alignment.

Fall Into Healthy Habits

Treat yourself with kindness and honor your strengths and values.  Follow your heart’s yearning for “doing good.”  Write in your journal.  Have a soulful chat with your best friend. Declare your gratitude.  Gaze at the stars on a crystal clear night.

Let’s not forget that Autumn is a season in which nature offers the great beauty of her golden crown.  Spectacular colors and healthy foods of exceptional quality abound.  Mushrooms – including truffles – pumpkin, grapes, sweet figs and more are in season. Enjoy these guilt-free treats.

do you need self-comfort or self-care?

Care for Your Mind – While Comforting Your Body

With the transition to Autumn, our body makes very clear demands on us.  But don’t overlook the signals that the mind is sending us, too. Well-being is achieved when body and mind are both healthy and in balance.  The best approach to the change of season involves taking self-care and self-comfort of the entire body and soul.

If You’ve Got It – Haunt It

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is real.  It can cause fatigue, poor concentration, nausea, irritability and decreased desire.  Any one of which can disrupt our ability to get out and enjoy life. Recognizing moods and emotions can be more difficult with masks on, but it’s necessary to stay in touch with yourself.  Make an effort to evaluate your general well-being, so you can activate and remedy the discomforts you feel. Don’t forget to look in on your friends and neighbors, too.  They may be feeling lost. It’s always easier to get out of a maze together, through teamwork.

The peak of Fall doesn’t have to be scary.  Just treat it with respect while treating yourself to the self-care AND self-comfort you need.  And don’t forget to carve out some time for fun along the way!

by Mark Smith, contributing author

We are all working our way through a changed world as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. We may no longer be quarantined or under stay-at-home orders, but everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us in our communities. Life now demands caring, resilience and compassion like never before. This is a great opportunity to create the world we want for our future generations. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement!

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources and products? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association and our products, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way!

WHAT NEXT?

what next questions

Most of us know that Oprah suggests we keep a gratitude journal and jot down the things we are grateful for daily.  The idea is to reinforce what you have rather than dwell on what you don’t.  But even more significant, the focus of our thoughts (and the emotions that accompany them) not only create our reality, but can change it as well. 

We’ve seen the best and the worst of mankind throughout this COVID-19 ordeal.  This enormous gift of awareness and potential, can be used to spark our creativity and determination to achieve a better reality not only for our individual lives, but for the entire world.

SO the question is — given our pandemic restlessness — are we too preoccupied with wanting to go back to the ‘normal’ we once lived or will we give ourselves a fresh start by seeking nuggets of possibilities for a more balanced, caring and meaningful life? What could be asking, “what next?”

You Might Be Thinking or Feeling Something Different

As the news media bombards us with the doom and gloom of the economy, or atrocities of political scandal and manipulation, how are you reacting?  Rather than falling into despair and fear, discernment is the gift of deciding for yourself what is right for you.  Having discernment is taking your power back.  It frees your mind and heart to create possibilities and intentions for you and your family.

If your livelihood has been adversely affected, take care of what you can, and look to a brighter future.  The methods of commerce, necessities of life and ways of doing business have been redefined. The sudden shifts in every aspect of our lives lends itself to different opportunities.  Innovative entrepreneurs are springing up everywhere.  We have the opportunity to birth a better world – with more convenience, consciousness, creativity and respect for our time, our environment, and all inhabitants that dwell on this planet.  Have a dream – have a plan – have faith!

Perhaps something inside of you has stirred in response to how animals and the environment are flourishing with less human-generated impact.  Perhaps you learned more about the needs of elders or children in your community.  Has the work of non-profits addressing global needs come to your attention?  We are creating our future now, so if something has caught your interest, check it out to see how you can make a positive difference.

Are you now homeschooling your children?  Has this given you an opportunity to get to know them better, cherish your time with them?  Have you tapped into their creative side, and perhaps developed a creative side of your own (some may call it coping) to get through the longer days?  The gift of a simpler, more spontaneous and resourceful way to do life can be yours through the eyes of your children.

How is your family doing?  What wonderful things have you discovered about your children, your parents or other relatives?  Do you want to spend more time with your children or filter what they are exposed to?  Do you have suggested changes for their school to implement?    And what about you — are you more relaxed at work or at home?  What makes you function well – good food, quiet time, good sleep, productivity or ______? ( fill in the blank)   This has been a time of revelation for all of us.  Honor the illuminations of your experience by creating a better life for yourself and others.

There is a Brighter Future by Choice

If we all focus on being grateful, sharing what we have and hoping and planning for a better future, this planet would have a better chance of a brighter tomorrow.  If we help those who need it most – people – animals – the environment, life on this planet would be more balanced.

We cannot control the thoughts and deeds of others, but we can definitely affirm and proceed to put our individual thoughts, desires, plans and hopes into a more positive spin.  Humanity has been handed the biggest gift in the crummiest of packages – let’s not waste it!

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources and products? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association and our products, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way!

COPING: A Very Common Theme During These COVID-19 Days

It would be super-cool if there was one answer to every question, and one way to deal with unexpected situations.  However, we humans are not wired to experience life in the same way. Let’s take a look at some challenges created by the COVID-19 pandemic and how we can effectively approach them from the perspective of different personality types applied to coping.

coping considering personality types

Type A is a typical high achiever. They set goals and spend their time effectively.  They are used to achieving what they seek, and can get impatient when life doesn’t support what they need to do to reach their goals.   If you or someone you know has Type A traits, here is a suggestion to channel the frustration of not having control:  The drive to succeed can be redirected toward a greater cause. Achievements can take a more urgent focus with the issues at hand. Many people have settled into a new routine – whether it be boring, anxious or fulfilling – whereas a Type A has the ability to pull the best out of a situation due to their focus and determination. This gift can extend to the family, neighbors, local businesses and other areas affected by the pandemic. So give them the ball and watch what happens!

Type B, on the other hand, is a relaxed, go-with-the-flow kind of person.  Their enjoyment comes from experiencing the moment.  They are social, sensitive to other’s emotions and quite patient.  They can be a calming influence when around others.  Sounds like a blessing if you are in quarantine with this type of personality.  However, Type B’s may find themselves drifting more than usual.  Without structure, they may fall into lethargy and lose their sense of time.  In order to pull this personality type back into the game of life, they would need structure and purpose.  A great job for a Type B during this pandemic is to be the ‘go-fer’ for the family and neighborhood if they can responsibly and safely go out.  If not, they need defined tasks such as menu planning; laundry duty; giving daily news update, etc. – anything to keep them actively engaged.

Type C is a perfectionist.  They are detail-oriented and like to excel in whatever they do. They go by the rules, and don’t like it when things don’t go in a predictable manner. Enter the pandemic!  New rules are being written every day and Type C people may feel challenged and frustrated by the lack of routine. A good way to tap into the qualities of this personality type is to utilize this tendency for perfection to ‘structure’ the new ways of doing life.  They have what it takes to see how things can run as smoothly and efficiently as possible and will feel valued to be able to assist in this way. 

Type D can be a warm and wonderful person.  This personality type is sensitive to other people’s feelings and will often give wise and heartfelt advice.  While they are safe to be around, internally they might feel isolated and discouraged – and they usually don’t share that.  Being isolated or forced to change their lifestyle due to the pandemic might signal a downward spiral for this personality type.  While it is important to be upbeat and positive around them, the very best thing for them is to feel needed.  They love to help and be there for others.  So if you or someone you know has these personality traits, figure out the best way to let their caring and sensitivity shine a bright light on your life.

Most of us can identify with one or more of the above personality types.  While we are sensitive to the downside of each type, there are nuggets of promise in each one that will help each and every one of us get through these unprecedented times  We are all bonded by this experience.  By appreciating the upside of others, we can get through this with more lightheartedness, purpose and laughter.

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources and products? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association and our products, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way!

Silver Linings

silver lining

Silver Linings

Did I brush my teeth this morning?”  Kind of an odd question, but not an infrequent one these days as some of us stumble through our unscripted days.  We may have decided to stay in pajamas – or eat chocolate for breakfast – anything so as not to face the day ‘responsibly’.  

But as the novelty of staying home wears off, the fog can roll in and cloud our focus as well as challenge our brain.  What once seemed like an ongoing pajama party, now feels like zombie shock as reality starts to seep in. If you’re shaking your head trying to release some cobwebs, there is hope – read on.

Here’s the good news — You’re not alone!

It doesn’t matter whether you were a corporate executive, a busy store clerk, a stay-at-home mom or a retiree.  We all had ‘pre-pandemic lives’ that were pretty much on automatic pilot. Now that we’ve had to abruptly re-write our scripts, we must forgive ourselves for our baby steps, and look for the silver linings.

Silver Lining 1

It is better to be dealing with boredom, daily sacrifices and financial challenges than being sick with the virus.  We are in this together, and federal and local governing forces, employers and other Samaritans are figuring out ways to help us all get through this.

Silver Lining 2

What a great opportunity to reach out to others and offer verbal support or assistance if you are in a position to do so.  You never know how one small act of caring can make a huge difference in someone’s life. The bonus here is that an act of caring releases serotonin – a natural antidepressant – for you and the other person.

Silver Lining 3

Much to be grateful for.  Our nation’s gas stations, drug stores and grocery stores are bending over backwards to accommodate those who need to be out and about ,or shop for necessities.  These folks put themselves on the line every day to make the basics available and keep us going. Our postal carriers – firefighters – law enforcers – truck drivers – medical personnel – all are sacrificing for the good of the whole. Saying THANKS to them not only acknowledges their efforts, it reminds us how lucky we are.

Silver Lining 4

You now have the opportunity to deepen bonds by sharing your feelings with someone close to you.  It not only provides a safe platform for your personal expression, but you may also have the chance to validate what someone else might be feeling.  A win-win bonding experience created out of hidden feelings we may not ordinarily think about. 

Silver Lining 5

Take time to ‘play’.  Whatever that looks like to you.  Want to stay in your pajamas – fine!  But maybe you want to put on sunglasses and a straw hat and have a picnic on the floor.  Or make some magic in the kitchen and create a totally absurd but tasty treat. Have a pillow-duel with your spouse or fly paper airplanes.   There really is no script… just play… and have some fun!

Silver Lining 6

Perfect time to reconnect with friends or acquaintances you haven’t been in touch with.  A simple “how are you doing” can rekindle some fond memories. You might even want to resurrect the art of letter-writing.   Words formed with a pen are more connected to the heart. 

Silver Lining 7

Look at what’s going on around the earth.  Atmospheres are clearing, animals are reappearing, nature is stretching in a way she hasn’t been able to in years.  What a blessing for this planet and our future well-being. It is wise to take note of how rapidly this is occurring.  The damage caused by years and years of pollution is reversing itself at warp-speed. We are being given a second chance, and there is renewed hope that people everywhere will become more respectful of our host planet.

Silver Lining 8

Whoever thought that Israel and Palestine would come together for the sake of helping their people?  Officials from both countries are working together to coordinate efforts against COVID-19. Now ambulances from Israel are traveling to the West Bank to transport patients.  Medical workshops are being offered to the Palestinians to facilitate best practices in keeping the virus at bay. These steps of cooperation for the common good are a global miracle – a HUGE step toward peace, and a testament to the humanity in man.  

Silver Lining 9

Your fellow men and women are AWESOME!  Look how this country is pulling together – small-time manufactures retooling in record time to make respirators – homemakers making masks – restaurants staying open for take-out – distributors working night and day to keep the supply chain going.  Everyone seems to be on the same page and the compelling mindset is “we’re all in this together”.  If that isn’t an exquisite example of love for our fellow man, I don’t know what is.  As the Beatles so simply stated: 

There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done

Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung

Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game

It’s easy

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

Silver Lining 10

Now it’s your turn. Here’s where you get to choose what your silver-lining is!

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter!

Let’s Be Loving and Kind

Let’s Be Loving and Kind

We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) feel that nothing helps a community come together like love and kindness. These forms of caring are something we all need in the world today. A community that cares comes together to help people in need.

Let’s be loving and kind.

Loving kindness can go so far right now. It can be a small act of kindness that makes a big impact.  Think about kindness when we have to go out for supplies. Like, if you see there are only two items on the shelf of what you need, ask yourself, do you really need both?  Or can you just take one and let someone else take the other? Perhaps someone else truly needs it, and having it makes their lives easier. Let’s face it, any bit that we can ease each other’s difficulty right now can make a huge difference.  In a time when people are uncertain about major life issues, making it so someone does not have to worry about having needed supplies is a major act of kindness.

Let’s be loving and kind when we are home with our family.

Maybe you are able to work from home, and your kids are being tasked with distance learning.  Also, maybe you are cooking three times a day and keeping up with cleaning up a well-lived-in house.  So much to do! You may find you are not getting a lot of alone time or time for self-care.  Stress of money or worry over the current state of things may be taking a toll.  Kids may be crabby, and any structure you had is non-existent. Stress can put us in a position where it is easy to take out our frustrations with our loved ones. 

Pause for Kindness

It may take some practice, but we can put a pause in.  A pause to choose to be kind, even when we are at our wits end.  No, it doesn’t mean let your kids stay up as late as they want, or let them eat ice cream for breakfast (I mean if you want to do that, go ahead!)… It just means, take a breath, pause, and remember you may not ever get this chance to be home and enjoy your family like this again.  Prioritize kindness over demands. Prioritize love over productivity. Then, build in your new structure, new demands, your new normal. Build your life anew, and build it on love and kindness… The rewards will last long after the stress of this pandemic has faded from daily life.

Connection, Kindness, and Love

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter!

Working from Home- Tips for Success

Working from Home-  Tips for Success

Recently people and businesses all around the world have been restructuring their lives with the recent quick shifts to maintain the health of people and communities. Many of us are all settling into new routines while being homebound. One of the new challenges most of us are facing is how to set ourselves up for balance and success while working from home? We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) are sharing caring information to help people who are working from home.

Create the Environment

The first step on this new journey is to create a productive and comfortable environment at home to work in. While working from home you will need a space to call an office. Set up a desk or office space to be your zone for work. Set up all of the technology and tools you will need. Some of these tools, like a laptop or printer, you might have at home or brought to us from our office. If you have a window, try opening it up for fresh air to keep you alert. A bonus to having a window is that you can look outside. Greenery helps us feel more relaxed and stay healthy. Lastly, when setting up your work environment, limit any distractions. This means turning off unnecessary technology, such as the television or silencing notifications for social media, keeping your work space clutter free, and letting your family and roommates know that you are working. Limiting the interruptions can help boost your productivity.

Scheduling Your Week and Day

Now that you have space to work and be productive in, it is time to set yourself up for success. Setting goals and scheduling your time becomes very important. (Trust us, it is easy to bake cookies while answering work emails!) Think about what days of the week you will be working; many of us it is Monday-Friday from about 9 am to 5 pm. Be sure to include untouchable days or days off to recharge and spend quality time socializing with loved ones. Goals help us plan our lives, and setting good goals throughout the week help us with our success. Goals also help us build habits. For example, setting a goal of taking a lunch break each work day to clear your mind, and say hi to your family. Each day’s schedule should include a healthy chunk of time around lunch where you are away from your office/desk and your computer. During this time you can do anything else, like go on a virtual museum tour with your kids!

An interesting thing that can be carried into each day is setting up a morning routine. Get yourself up at a decent hour, brush your teeth, eat, and get dressed in something other than pj’s to rev up your mind and get those brain cells going. Healthy habits help us feel in control and less stress over time.When you review your schedule for the day, tackle big tasks first thing in the morning. Maybe that big task is writing annual reviews for your team, or an important meeting with board members for a new project. Once that daunting task is over, the rest of the day will feel like a snap. The rest of the day’s schedule should be set up by grouping related tasks together. One example is to have the hour between 2 pm and 3 pm for responding to emails. Or 10 am to 11 am checking in with your team for the day. Overall, know your productive times of the day. Each person is unique, and setting a schedule should reflect that. One key is to adjust your schedule as needed; especially these days, we might need to adjust our schedule midday due to telecommuting or global events.

Caring together

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether homebound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter!

Homebound Life Self-Care

Homebound Life Self-Care

We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) want to shed some light and positivity during this difficult time in the world right now. Sometimes it is referred to as “lockdown,” many of us are experiencing what it means to be homebound. We have been hearing many UCA members ask, “How can we turn this into an opportunity to see the good?” and “How can we practice self-care while being homebound?”

Self-care is crucial.

Self-care requires us to be self-aware, which means being aware of what is going on within inside of ourselves. (A.K.A. checking in with yourself to see how you are doing.)  When we feel like we are going a million miles a minute, it is important to take a moment to pause and reevaluate. Write things down in a journal. Some suggestions on the things to write are: what have you have accomplished and wish to accomplish, and set new goals for yourself. Overall, be proud of yourself. Also, according to article on Taking Good Care of Your Yourself, be kind to yourself.

Meditation is a great tool for self-care. It improves our wellbeing and health. Also, meditation or mindfulness activities helps us get in a calm relaxing psychological state too. We have many mindfulness activities on our website. Here is an example of a guided breath mediation with soft spa music to listen to — Guided breath Meditation-Spa-Music. If you are craving more, we also have many more videos on our YouTube channel!

If you’re ready to start a new exercise routine or a better eating regimen, why not start now?

Yoga is great for the brain, heart and bones. It can also boost your immunity, reduce chronic inflammation, gain more self-control and self-confidence. An additional bonus is it can also help manage stress. All it takes is 10 to 15 minutes a day. We found a great article on Practicing self- care with Yoga that is a quick and interesting read!

One more self-care suggestion…

Salt Baths are very beneficial for self-care. Salt detox baths are usually made of Epsom salt, which allows for minerals to “draw out” toxins from the body. Supporters often claim that soaking in an Epsom salt bath can remove harmful toxins and balance the body. Some claim it can help with weight management as well. The suggestion is to soak in an Epson salt bath for 12-20 minutes per day, 1-2 times per week, for the best results. We love adding essential oils, like lavender, along with Epson salt to baths for an extra boost of relaxation.

Remember all of those little projects that you set aside?

While enjoying the homebound life, we can tackle small projects around the house. For example, that “spring cleaning” of the closets, cabinets, refrigerator, garage (or as some of us call it the storage unit), etc.  How does cleaning and organizing provide self-care? The act of cleaning itself has a positive phycological impact. Cleaning gives us a sense of control and accomplishment, which helps us better manage the ups and downs of life with a sense of resilience and self-confidence. Additionally, the simple activity and repetitive motions of washing dishes, mopping floors, or wiping down surfaces makes it easier for the mind to enter a focused and meditative state, temporarily relieving anxieties. In an October 2018 article published by VICE, Darby Saxbe, assistant professor of psychology at USC, said “[Cleaning] gives people a sense of mastery and control over their environment. Life is full of uncertainty and many situations are out of our hands, but at least we can assert our will on our living space, especially while being homebound.” If cleaning can lead to feeling in control of our personal destiny. Cleaning is Self-Care has an additional article for more information about how cleaning and doing projects around the house is beneficial.

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter!

How to Have Better Conversations

How to have better conversations.

Each day we interact with friends, family, and many other people. During these interactions we often strive to make meaningful connections. There are so many ways we can connect, and one is the most prominent: talking with each other. We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) have recently seen a wonderful TedTalk by Celeste Headlee about 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation. This is a wonderful speech that helps us understand different ways to connect with others through conversation.

The World We Live In

Celeste begins her speech talking about the shift in how we hold conversations with each other due to the integration of technology. Many people spend most of their time communicating through emails and texts. Celeste makes a good point: this world we live in has great potential but can quickly devolve into arguments. Think about how a text that is misread triggers us to feel a wide range of negative emotions. This communication trend is especially prominent in children and teens. “Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history. We’re less likely to compromise, which means we’re not listening to each other. And we make decisions … based on what we already believe.” If we are not holding balanced conversations and listening to each other, we are losing out.

A VIP Skill-Communication

A high school teacher, named Paul Barnwell, gave his students a communication project to teach them how to speak on a specific topic without notes. It became apparent that conversational competence might be one of the most underdeveloped skills for students. This difficulty is partly due to kids spending hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens. Rarely do these kids have an opportunity to develop interpersonal communications skills. Barnwell asks, “Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?” 

How to Have a Great Conversation

Most of us have an idea of how to actively listen and participate in a conversation. Some of these tips are: look the person in the eye, think of interesting topics before you meet, smile, and repeat back a summary of what you heard for further clarification. Celeste Headlee argues that we should forget all or most of this in an effort to have not just good conversations, but great conversations. We all have had interactions that we walk away from craving more. This drive to have a longer interaction is a sign of a great conversation. These connections allow us to feel engaged and inspired, and that we are perfectly understood.Headlee has ten great tips to achieve this result almost every time you hold a conversation.

Right off the get-go, Headlee hits the ground running! We all should avoid multitasking. Juggling your “to-do” list with the argument you had with your significant other three days ago while talking with your best friend is not devoting caring time with your best friend. When we do not multitask, we are present and in the moment with the person(s) we are having a conversation with.

Next, Celeste strongly recommends not pontificating. When we pontificate we become predictable and have a harder time keeping an open mind. “You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.” This can mean setting aside your personal opinion for the time being, allowing the speaker to have room and encouragement to open up.

Bill Nye

Thirdly, when asking questions, use open-ended questions. Part of this technique is psychological. When we have a strong word prompt, such as terrifying, we respond to it and formulate a comment that reflects the same intensity and mood. To hold a better conversation let the speaker identify the thought and feeling. “Let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like, ‘What was that like?’ ‘How did that feel?’ Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.”

Number four: Try to let go or go with the flow. Thoughts will appear; even if these thoughts do not relate to the conversation, let them go out of your mind. Sometimes these thoughts are lists of groceries, or a really great question we DO want to ask the person we are talking with. The issue can be that we are not actually listening, and maybe that really great question was already answered.

Five: If you don’t know an answer, admit it, and move forward. This surrender to not knowing everything helps us become more relatable to the other person we are talking with. Also, it can help us build or maintain our credibility, and hopefully strengthen our relationships. So, say that you don’t know in an effort to err on the side of caution. 

Next, is an important note to remember. We do not want to equate our experience with the other person’s. Each experience and feeling is unique to the person it pertains to. We can never feel exactly the same. Think about the proverb: You can never step in the same river twice. This is true because the water is constantly flowing, and therefore never the same in any spot. “More importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered.”

Stephan Hawking

Number seven: Try our hardest to not repeat yourself. The repetition can become boring to the listener, and possible condescending. Take a moment during your next conversation to count how many times you repeat yourself, and you might realize that we tend to repeat ourselves a lot. 

We are coming to the home stretch of Headlee’s list. Eighth in line is advice for many situations outside and inside of conversations: try to avoid using too many facts. Most people are less interested in how many years you did “such-and-such” or the names and dates of your 20 second cousins twice removed. What truly matters to others is the genuine you; what you are like and have in common.

Ninth in line is VIP: LISTEN. Most of us equate active listening with holding a great conversation, and truly listening takes many of the state steps into account. Many successful people believe and share that listening is perhaps the most important skill that you can develop. Headlee paraphrases Buddha with pizzazz. “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.” Why is listening so hard when it is so important? Well, it can come down to controlling the conversation through talking, especially if we are afraid. There is an additional reason: We have short attention spans (a.k.a. we get distracted, easily). On average a person talks at a rate of about 225 words per minute. However, our brains can listen to 500+ words per minute. In the 275 gaps between we tend to fill in or lose focus on the conversation. As another example, think about how quickly we lose interest in a video on Facebook or YouTube? If the content doesn’t grab us within the first 20-30 seconds, we move on. It takes a great amount of energy and effort to pay attention to someone while holding a conversation with them. Otherwise, you are just shouting monologues that might overlap with each other. 

Last but not least, number 10. Celeste Headlee keeps it simple as she shares a quote from her sister: Be brief. “A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.”

10 ways to hold a better conversation.

What is the basic concept?

What is the common thread we find in all ten of Headlee’s tips? The answer: “Be interested in other people. …assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them.” We can be amazed at all our caring community has to offer when holding truly great conversations with each other. We encourage our caring community to share the caring by connecting through conversations. And remember, caring conversations with ourselves can be a form of self-care!

Celeste Headlee TedTalk

Watch the full TedTalk by clicking HERE!

Would you like to read more caring blogs? We have other blogs on topics on UCA benefits: Medical Bill Negotiation, Nutrition to Help Prevent Depression, and Gut-Brain Connection! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter!

Hugging for Health

Hugging for Health

Someone once said, “We should have 100 hugs a day to stay healthy.” This saying is a lot like having an apple a day. We hear stories that back this adage up: people waking up when those they love hold their hand or how important it is to hold babies as they begin their life’s journey. Touch is a powerful way to communicate with others. One article found on the Good News Network is about making physical connections with each other through hugs that conveys how much each person means to one another.

Hugs are comforting and help us flourish.

People require touch with other living beings in order to feel cared for and grow into caring individuals. In the article, Science of Kindness Shows Just How Important Hugging is for Our Mental and Physical Health, by David Fryburg, MD, “The importance of physical contact was painfully observed in the orphanages of Romania: children who were provided food—but not held or hugged—had significant developmental and socio-emotional delay accompanied by smaller brains.” The lack of touch, connection, and hugs affected how these children behaved, and the development of their brains. Similar studies have shown animals have the same underdevelopment and health issues when subjected to social isolation.

On a less extreme note, touch affects our response to daily conflicts we experience. A group of researchers interviewed 404 adults for 14 days regarding their health and any conflicts. Additionally, the researchers inquired how these adults felt emotionally and whether or not they received hugs. The people who had some form of interpersonal conflict and were hugged reported feeling happier and more grounded for the day. A bonus is that the hug helps both people involved!

Keep the Doctor Away…

On another note, research has produced “evidence that hugging may favorably influence the rate of infection from a cold as well as symptoms.” Also, hugs help reduce blood pressure and relieve stress. When we hug, we get a good boost of the love hormone oxytocin.

Hugs are not the only form of touch that helps us feel better mentally and physically. Other types of touch that share the same beneficial elements are holding hands and massage. Most of us know that massage can decrease pain related to a variety of conditions, such as back pain and migraines. “[Physical touch] affects the biochemistry that mediates pain or sadness and can also lower blood pressure, reduce cortisol, improve immune responses, stimulate the vagus nerve, and change EEG (brain wave) patterns.” One example is premature babies, where light massage for 15 minutes over a week caused a significant increase in necessary weight gain. This is a complementary study to the Romanian orphans mentioned above, where massage helps babies flourish.

Overall, we can see a clear connection between hugs, our health and happiness. The physical connection not only decreases stress but also helps nourish and heal us so we can recover and grow. It is remarkable that we naturally can help care for and heal each other. If we reach out and connect with each other, we can find ourselves to be happier and healthier. 

If we are not able to get a physical hug, there are a variety of tools that help simulate hugs, like a weighted blanket. Also, we can get a similar effect when we see images of other people hugging or a gentle touch. “This work is consistent with Envision Kindness’ own research on how images of kindness and compassion—many of which capture caring touch or hugging—are a proven and potent way to induce joy, love, optimism, and connection. Thus, by simply looking at these images, people can experience lower levels of stress and greater joy.”

Of course, viewing images of people or animals hugging needs to be rounded out by the real thing when possible. Very few things are perfect substitutes, hugs are best from those you love and have a caring connection with. A hug is a gift to someone else and to yourself.

Would you like to read more caring blogs? We have other blogs on topics on UCA benefits: Medical Bill Negotiation, Nutrition to Help Prevent Depression, and Gut-Brain Connection! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter!

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