Silver Linings

silver lining

“Did I brush my teeth this morning?” Kind of an odd question, but not an infrequent one these days as some of us stumble through our unscripted days. We may have decided to stay in pajamas – or eat chocolate for breakfast – anything so as not to face the day ‘responsibly’.

But as the novelty of staying home wears off, the fog can roll in and cloud our focus as well as challenge our brain. What once seemed like an ongoing pajama party, now feels like zombie shock as reality starts to seep in. If you’re shaking your head trying to release some cobwebs, there is hope – read on.

Here’s the good news — You’re not alone!

It doesn’t matter whether you were a corporate executive, a busy store clerk, a stay-at-home mom or a retiree. We all had ‘pre-pandemic lives’ that were pretty much on automatic pilot. Now that we’ve had to abruptly re-write our scripts, we must forgive ourselves for our baby steps, and look for the silver linings.

Silver Lining 1

It is better to be dealing with boredom, daily sacrifices and financial challenges than being sick with the virus. We are in this together, and federal and local governing forces, employers and other Samaritans are figuring out ways to help us all get through this.

Silver Lining 2

What a great opportunity to reach out to others and offer verbal support or assistance if you are in a position to do so. You never know how one small act of caring can make a huge difference in someone’s life. The bonus here is that an act of caring releases serotonin – a natural antidepressant – for you and the other person.

Silver Lining 3

Much to be grateful for. Our nation’s gas stations, drug stores and grocery stores are bending over backwards to accommodate those who need to be out and about ,or shop for necessities. These folks put themselves on the line every day to make the basics available and keep us going. Our postal carriers – firefighters – law enforcers – truck drivers – medical personnel – all are sacrificing for the good of the whole. Saying THANKS to them not only acknowledges their efforts, it reminds us how lucky we are.

Silver Lining 4

You now have the opportunity to deepen bonds by sharing your feelings with someone close to you. It not only provides a safe platform for your personal expression, but you may also have the chance to validate what someone else might be feeling. A win-win bonding experience created out of hidden feelings we may not ordinarily think about.

Silver Lining 5

Take time to ‘play’. Whatever that looks like to you. Want to stay in your pajamas – fine! But maybe you want to put on sunglasses and a straw hat and have a picnic on the floor. Or make some magic in the kitchen and create a totally absurd but tasty treat. Have a pillow-duel with your spouse or fly paper airplanes. There really is no script… just play… and have some fun!

Silver Lining 6

Perfect time to reconnect with friends or acquaintances you haven’t been in touch with. A simple “how are you doing” can rekindle some fond memories. You might even want to resurrect the art of letter-writing. Words formed with a pen are more connected to the heart.

Silver Lining 7

Look at what’s going on around the earth. Atmospheres are clearing, animals are reappearing, nature is stretching in a way she hasn’t been able to in years. What a blessing for this planet and our future well-being. It is wise to take note of how rapidly this is occurring. The damage caused by years and years of pollution is reversing itself at warp-speed. We are being given a second chance, and there is renewed hope that people everywhere will become more respectful of our host planet.

Silver Lining 8

Whoever thought that Israel and Palestine would come together for the sake of helping their people? Officials from both countries are working together to coordinate efforts against COVID-19. Now ambulances from Israel are traveling to the West Bank to transport patients. Medical workshops are being offered to the Palestinians to facilitate best practices in keeping the virus at bay. These steps of cooperation for the common good are a global miracle – a HUGE step toward peace, and a testament to the humanity in man.

Silver Lining 9

Your fellow men and women are AWESOME! Look how this country is pulling together – small-time manufactures retooling in record time to make respirators – homemakers making masks – restaurants staying open for take-out – distributors working night and day to keep the supply chain going. Everyone seems to be on the same page and the compelling mindset is “we’re all in this together”. If that isn’t an exquisite example of love for our fellow man, I don’t know what is. As the Beatles so simply stated:

There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done

Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung

Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game

It’s easy

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

Silver Lining 10

Now it’s your turn. Here’s where you get to choose what your silver-lining is!

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before. All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter!

April 10, 2020

Let’s Be Loving and Kind

We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) feel that nothing helps a community come together like love and kindness. These forms of caring are something we all need in the world today. A community that cares comes together to help people in need.

Let’s be loving and kind.

Loving kindness can go so far right now. It can be a small act of kindness that makes a big impact. Think about kindness when we have to go out for supplies. Like, if you see there are only two items on the shelf of what you need, ask yourself, do you really need both? Or can you just take one and let someone else take the other? Perhaps someone else truly needs it, and having it makes their lives easier. Let’s face it, any bit that we can ease each other’s difficulty right now can make a huge difference. In a time when people are uncertain about major life issues, making it so someone does not have to worry about having needed supplies is a major act of kindness.

Let’s be loving and kind when we are home with our family.

Maybe you are able to work from home, and your kids are being tasked with distance learning. Also, maybe you are cooking three times a day and keeping up with cleaning up a well-lived-in house. So much to do! You may find you are not getting a lot of alone time or time for self-care. Stress of money or worry over the current state of things may be taking a toll. Kids may be crabby, and any structure you had is non-existent. Stress can put us in a position where it is easy to take out our frustrations with our loved ones.

Pause for Kindness

It may take some practice, but we can put a pause in. A pause to choose to be kind, even when we are at our wits end. No, it doesn’t mean let your kids stay up as late as they want, or let them eat ice cream for breakfast (I mean if you want to do that, go ahead!)… It just means, take a breath, pause, and remember you may not ever get this chance to be home and enjoy your family like this again. Prioritize kindness over demands. Prioritize love over productivity. Then, build in your new structure, new demands, your new normal. Build your life anew, and build it on love and kindness… The rewards will last long after the stress of this pandemic has faded from daily life.

We are all being called to do extraordinary things for the collective caring of our families, communities and the world in response to the unique coronavirus pandemic. Whether home bound or providing critical services, everyone is stretched to adapt like never before. All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us. Life is going to require new routines, resilience and compassion. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement to respond to local needs.

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube, and Twitter!

April 9, 2020

Championing Mental Health

With so many emotions and stressors in our day it can be hard to maintain a mental balance. We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) have a special place in our hearts for mental well-being. To share the caring we have tools and resources, such as a 24 hour counseling hotline, available for our UCA members. In our research online, we have come across a wonderful TedTalk by Sangu Delle championing mental health.

What does the word “Mental” Mean

When defining the word mental, we are referring to the mind or brain. Delle brings up a definition rooted in his culture. “Growing up in West Africa, when people used the term “mental,” what came to mind was a madman with dirty, dread-locked hair, bumbling around half-naked on the streets.” This stigma came from his youth, where “normal” people do not have mental health problems.

What is astonishing is that some of the areas in the world that have the highest need for mental health support and care, have a very thin system in place with few professionals.

According to the World Health Organization, mental health is about being able to cope with the normal stressors of life; to work productively and fruitfully; and to be able to make a contribution to your community. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological and social well-being. Globally, 75 percent of all mental illness cases can be found in low-income countries. Yet most African governments invest less than one percent of their health care budget in mental health. “Nigeria, for example, is estimated to have 200 — in a country of almost 200 million. In all of Africa, 90 percent of our people lack access to treatment. As a result, we suffer in solitude, silenced by stigma.”

Mental Health Hits Close to Home

As we listen to this TedTalk, we wonder if there is a solution to the lack of care, acceptance and support for those who are affected by mental distress or illness. Delle shares the turning point for him. “For me, the stigma is personal… My best friend in the world — a brilliant, philosophical, charming, hip young man — was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I witnessed some of the friends we’d grown up with recoil. I heard the snickers. I heard the whispers. “Did you hear he has gone mad?” (Kru English) “He has gone crazy!” Derogatory, demeaning commentary about his condition — words we would never say about someone with cancer or someone with malaria. Somehow, when it comes to mental illness, our ignorance eviscerates all empathy. I stood by his side as his community isolated him, but our love never wavered.”

Our ignorance eviscerated all empathy; that phrase really hit home. We have seen and heard about so many ways that people can be bullied. One way that we can begin caring and supporting those who need mental healthcare is to bring awareness to the issue. Delle inspiringly did just that. He helped found the mental health special interest alumni group at his college. “And during my tenure as a resident tutor in graduate school, I supported many undergraduates with their mental health challenges.” Every person needs to be more aware about mental struggles. If we begin to accept mental health as important as physical health, we will become better individuals.

This awareness is not only for others, but for ourselves as well. Delle references his internal struggles, and how he could not bring himself to speak with a counselor, or even a friend. This reluctance was due to the stigma that still resided within himself. This was an eye opener for Delle. “We need to stop suffering in silence. We must stop stigmatizing disease and traumatizing the afflicted.”

Raise Awareness and Champion Mental Health

Delle calls us all to action by encouraging us to talk. “Talk to your friends. Talk to your loved ones. Talk to health professionals.” In communicating how we are feeling, we are allowing ourselves to better connect with others and ourselves. “[When talking] do so with the confidence that you are not alone. Speak up if you’re struggling. Being honest about how we feel does not make us weak; it makes us human.” We can champion others and ourselves through one common thread, we are all human and we all can take charge of having better mental health.

Would you like to watch the full TedTalk? Click HERE!

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way! If your would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter!

February 27, 2020

How to Have Better Conversations

Each day we interact with friends, family, and many other people. During these interactions we often strive to make meaningful connections. There are so many ways we can connect, and one is the most prominent: talking with each other. We at Unified Caring Association (UCA) have recently seen a wonderful TedTalk by Celeste Headlee about 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation. This is a wonderful speech that helps us understand different ways to connect with others through conversation.

The World We Live In

Celeste begins her speech talking about the shift in how we hold conversations with each other due to the integration of technology. Many people spend most of their time communicating through emails and texts. Celeste makes a good point: this world we live in has great potential but can quickly devolve into arguments. Think about how a text that is misread triggers us to feel a wide range of negative emotions. This communication trend is especially prominent in children and teens. “Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history. We’re less likely to compromise, which means we’re not listening to each other. And we make decisions … based on what we already believe.” If we are not holding balanced conversations and listening to each other, we are losing out.

A VIP Skill-Communication

A high school teacher, named Paul Barnwell, gave his students a communication project to teach them how to speak on a specific topic without notes. It became apparent that conversational competence might be one of the most underdeveloped skills for students. This difficulty is partly due to kids spending hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens. Rarely do these kids have an opportunity to develop interpersonal communications skills. Barnwell asks, “Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?”

How to Have a Great Conversation

Most of us have an idea of how to actively listen and participate in a conversation. Some of these tips are: look the person in the eye, think of interesting topics before you meet, smile, and repeat back a summary of what you heard for further clarification. Celeste Headlee argues that we should forget all or most of this in an effort to have not just good conversations, but great conversations. We all have had interactions that we walk away from craving more. This drive to have a longer interaction is a sign of a great conversation. These connections allow us to feel engaged and inspired, and that we are perfectly understood.Headlee has ten great tips to achieve this result almost every time you hold a conversation.

Right off the get-go, Headlee hits the ground running! We all should avoid multitasking. Juggling your “to-do” list with the argument you had with your significant other three days ago while talking with your best friend is not devoting caring time with your best friend. When we do not multitask, we are present and in the moment with the person(s) we are having a conversation with.

Next, Celeste strongly recommends not pontificating. When we pontificate we become predictable and have a harder time keeping an open mind. “You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.” This can mean setting aside your personal opinion for the time being, allowing the speaker to have room and encouragement to open up.

Thirdly, when asking questions, use open-ended questions. Part of this technique is psychological. When we have a strong word prompt, such as terrifying, we respond to it and formulate a comment that reflects the same intensity and mood. To hold a better conversation let the speaker identify the thought and feeling. “Let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like, ‘What was that like?’ ‘How did that feel?’ Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.”

Number four: Try to let go or go with the flow. Thoughts will appear; even if these thoughts do not relate to the conversation, let them go out of your mind. Sometimes these thoughts are lists of groceries, or a really great question we DO want to ask the person we are talking with. The issue can be that we are not actually listening, and maybe that really great question was already answered.

Five: If you don’t know an answer, admit it, and move forward. This surrender to not knowing everything helps us become more relatable to the other person we are talking with. Also, it can help us build or maintain our credibility, and hopefully strengthen our relationships. So, say that you don’t know in an effort to err on the side of caution.

Next, is an important note to remember. We do not want to equate our experience with the other person’s. Each experience and feeling is unique to the person it pertains to. We can never feel exactly the same. Think about the proverb: You can never step in the same river twice. This is true because the water is constantly flowing, and therefore never the same in any spot. “More importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you’ve suffered.”

Number seven: Try our hardest to not repeat yourself. The repetition can become boring to the listener, and possible condescending. Take a moment during your next conversation to count how many times you repeat yourself, and you might realize that we tend to repeat ourselves a lot.

We are coming to the home stretch of Headlee’s list. Eighth in line is advice for many situations outside and inside of conversations: try to avoid using too many facts. Most people are less interested in how many years you did “such-and-such” or the names and dates of your 20 second cousins twice removed. What truly matters to others is the genuine you; what you are like and have in common.

Ninth in line is VIP: LISTEN. Most of us equate active listening with holding a great conversation, and truly listening takes many of the state steps into account. Many successful people believe and share that listening is perhaps the most important skill that you can develop. Headlee paraphrases Buddha with pizzazz. “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.” Why is listening so hard when it is so important? Well, it can come down to controlling the conversation through talking, especially if we are afraid. There is an additional reason: We have short attention spans (a.k.a. we get distracted, easily). On average a person talks at a rate of about 225 words per minute. However, our brains can listen to 500+ words per minute. In the 275 gaps between we tend to fill in or lose focus on the conversation. As another example, think about how quickly we lose interest in a video on Facebook or YouTube? If the content doesn’t grab us within the first 20-30 seconds, we move on. It takes a great amount of energy and effort to pay attention to someone while holding a conversation with them. Otherwise, you are just shouting monologues that might overlap with each other.

Last but not least, number 10. Celeste Headlee keeps it simple as she shares a quote from her sister: Be brief. “A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.”

What is the basic concept?

What is the common thread we find in all ten of Headlee’s tips? The answer: “Be interested in other people. …assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them.” We can be amazed at all our caring community has to offer when holding truly great conversations with each other. We encourage our caring community to share the caring by connecting through conversations. And remember, caring conversations with ourselves can be a form of self-care!

Watch the full TedTalk by clicking HERE!

Would you like to read more caring blogs? We have other blogs on topics on UCA benefits: Medical Bill Negotiation, Nutrition to Help Prevent Depression, and Gut-Brain Connection! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter!

February 21, 2020

Hugging for Health

Someone once said, “We should have 100 hugs a day to stay healthy.” This saying is a lot like having an apple a day. We hear stories that back this adage up: people waking up when those they love hold their hand or how important it is to hold babies as they begin their life’s journey. Touch is a powerful way to communicate with others. One article found on the Good News Network is about making physical connections with each other through hugs that conveys how much each person means to one another.

Hugs are comforting and help us flourish.

People require touch with other living beings in order to feel cared for and grow into caring individuals. In the article, Science of Kindness Shows Just How Important Hugging is for Our Mental and Physical Health, by David Fryburg, MD, “The importance of physical contact was painfully observed in the orphanages of Romania: children who were provided food—but not held or hugged—had significant developmental and socio-emotional delay accompanied by smaller brains.” The lack of touch, connection, and hugs affected how these children behaved, and the development of their brains. Similar studies have shown animals have the same underdevelopment and health issues when subjected to social isolation.

On a less extreme note, touch affects our response to daily conflicts we experience. A group of researchers interviewed 404 adults for 14 days regarding their health and any conflicts. Additionally, the researchers inquired how these adults felt emotionally and whether or not they received hugs. The people who had some form of interpersonal conflict and were hugged reported feeling happier and more grounded for the day. A bonus is that the hug helps both people involved!

Keep the Doctor Away…

On another note, research has produced “evidence that hugging may favorably influence the rate of infection from a cold as well as symptoms.” Also, hugs help reduce blood pressure and relieve stress. When we hug, we get a good boost of the love hormone oxytocin.

Hugs are not the only form of touch that helps us feel better mentally and physically. Other types of touch that share the same beneficial elements are holding hands and massage. Most of us know that massage can decrease pain related to a variety of conditions, such as back pain and migraines. “[Physical touch] affects the biochemistry that mediates pain or sadness and can also lower blood pressure, reduce cortisol, improve immune responses, stimulate the vagus nerve, and change EEG (brain wave) patterns.” One example is premature babies, where light massage for 15 minutes over a week caused a significant increase in necessary weight gain. This is a complementary study to the Romanian orphans mentioned above, where massage helps babies flourish.

Overall, we can see a clear connection between hugs, our health and happiness. The physical connection not only decreases stress but also helps nourish and heal us so we can recover and grow. It is remarkable that we naturally can help care for and heal each other. If we reach out and connect with each other, we can find ourselves to be happier and healthier.

If we are not able to get a physical hug, there are a variety of tools that help simulate hugs, like a weighted blanket. Also, we can get a similar effect when we see images of other people hugging or a gentle touch. “This work is consistent with Envision Kindness’ own research on how images of kindness and compassion—many of which capture caring touch or hugging—are a proven and potent way to induce joy, love, optimism, and connection. Thus, by simply looking at these images, people can experience lower levels of stress and greater joy.”

Of course, viewing images of people or animals hugging needs to be rounded out by the real thing when possible. Very few things are perfect substitutes, hugs are best from those you love and have a caring connection with. A hug is a gift to someone else and to yourself.

Would you like to read more caring blogs? We have other blogs on topics on UCA benefits: Medical Bill Negotiation, Nutrition to Help Prevent Depression, and Gut-Brain Connection! If you would like caring messages throughout the week, follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter!

February 6, 2020

Category: Caring Connections

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